The Power of a Morning Ritual with Tiffany Lanier

ON THIS EPISODE

The morning is your starting place. It is a time to check in with yourself about how you feel and what you need in that moment. If you don’t look after yourself, you feel depleted before you even get to your to-do list of the day.

Every day is different so ask yourself what you need today. Some days you need more sleep, to get more hydrated or feel more connected. When you have a busy job, it can be more difficult to incorporate a morning ritual. This often leads to burn-out and feeling drained because you don’t have space for yourself. Finding a morning ritual that works for your company is your collective responsibility.

ABOUT THE GUEST
Tiffany Lanier

Tiffany Lanier is a Change and Wellbeing Keynote Speaker that works with organizations to help their teams move through disruptive seasons of change and re-establish clarity, focus and resiliency by creating intentional (and one-of-a-kind) personal growth and wellbeing experiences.

I’ve worked with leaders all over the world, helping them re-discover who they are, what matters, and develop systems of support so they can shift into their highest potential and possibilities during their season of change.

SHOW NOTES

Finding a morning ritual that works for your company is your collective responsibility. There is no one-size-fits all ritual that works for everyone. We discussed topics such as the importance of morning rituals, what to ask yourself first thing in the morning and how to incorporate it into a workplace environment

TRANSCRIPT
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Tiffany Lanier  10:20

Thank you so much for having me. Yes, sunny, beautiful spring weather. I think everyone’s getting it now. So

 

Carolyn Swora  10:27

yes, we are certainly getting it here. as well. And I think that’s such a you know, it’s a quick entree into what we’re going to talk about. Because when I think of sunshine, I think of sunrises. I think of the morning and I know that your work personally and professionally, has really, you know has a theme of morning to it. So why don’t we just start off like why what is it that you love about the morning?

 

Tiffany Lanier  10:52

Yes. Besides the morning being that starting place, right? That’s place where we get to wake up and literally get to press the start button the New button have that kind of opportunity. The morning for me has really shaped my life and my work, particularly in the last seven or eight years. It started with having my first child and realizing how different my mornings are going to be having a newborn baby. But, you know, I started experiencing postpartum depression about six months into having my first child and it was one of those moments that it’s hard to explain to people if they’ve never felt like they’ve never experienced before. Because on one in you know you have a human that you are having to show up for totally take care of be present. For you’re also having to be present or trying to be present for yourself, which is quite challenging in those first few months. But then there’s also work right you’re also trying to get back in the groove of doing the work that you do in the world, whatever that looks like for you. And at this particular time. Six months in I started really feeling different and it was just a huge challenge being the person that I am which at the time and still to this day I you know was motivational speaker clarity coach, so I provided clarity and motivation to people on the daily but I wasn’t very clear or motivated myself which just felt like I felt like a fraud in so many different ways because I was experiencing this and it was in this like mist of just feeling like I hit you know a rock bottom moment in my life from not feeling like the best mother not feeling like the best leader not feeling like the best business owner best partner best whatever. I was not getting an award for anything at that moment in time so it fell in a mentor of mine you know, kind of sat me down and she was just like, you’ve been through a lot and prior to postpartum I had went through a really complicated pregnancy before I even gave birth to the child and went through all the things. The complicated pregnancy was like the beginning of just, you know losing a good part of myself through all of these many transitions. And this mentor came in it was just like, Listen, you haven’t slow down like you know, you went through all those complications. You gave birth to a beautiful child like you overcame those complications that gave birth to this beautiful child. Now you’re experiencing all these new things, right? new identities, everything that’s coming through you and you

 

Tiffany Lanier  14:08

Reporting in progress. What are you going to do about it, basically? And I’m just like, What can I, you know, what can I do about it? I don’t know. And then she asked me another question some time after that, and she was like, what do you do with the morning? And I thought it was such a strange question because I’m like, I don’t know what that has to do with any. Anything that I’m going through that I’m experiencing, like, what is Why are you asking that question? And at the time, my answer was like, I’m trying to function you know, like, I’m just trying to interesting wake up and get through the day. Why? Why did she ask you about the morning specifically? Yeah, so with that question, what she was getting at was that I wasn’t taking care of myself first thing by obviously being sleep deprived, waking up all through the night with the baby already tired before I ever even start the day. Yeah. Then you move into, you know, work related things. You got clients, you got all the stuff and so you just kind of run through the day, and then before you know it, the day is over. Yeah. You’re just trying to like, catch up from all the things that happen in the day and then you started all over again. And so her intention with that question was, are you utilizing any time in the morning to check in with yourself to take note take stock of what it is that you need in this moment? And then are you doing anything about it? If you receive that type of answer?

 

Tiffany Lanier  15:40

And my answer was no. Like, I’m not doing anything intentional, right. I’m mourning even though at that time I had, you know, prior to having a baby. I did have morning routines and things that I tried to create for myself, right. Um, but all of that gets like thrown out the window. It felt like with having a new child and also experiencing postpartum like, I was just depleted from every angle of my existence and but that question, really did start to spark something new in my mind because I’m like, Okay, well, even if I wake up on any given day, and I am feeling drained, I’m already feeling depleted before I’m even able to start doing all the many things that’s on my to do list. What can I do for myself? And that actually, began this one question that I started to ask myself every day, which is what do I need today? And it’s a question that I began to ask myself before I even opened my eyes. Recently, did a TEDx talk on it. And it really did change how I thought about myself on any given day. And so from this whole experience of asking myself this question starting to create a morning practice, that did honor those needs. That also gave me space to discover and redefine who I was for the moment and develop a new way of being this.

 

Tiffany Lanier  17:14

I changed like, changed how not only how I started my day, but it really did change how I started to live it changed how I started to lead change how I reshaped my work to the point that I started a whole business on it. Get people to realize that they can navigate these periods of tough

disruption and change through simple questions, simple practices, even if it feels hard in that moment. These are things that build up and could absolutely change the trajectory of your experiences. And that was that was what really stood out to me. I mean, being a mom and remembering those those I don’t even want to say days and like everything just sort of went into like one big blob of six months really viral of Yeah. But not but and the power of what you’re talking about to help us in our workplaces, and to help us as parents as well. 

 

Carolyn Swora  18:31

So you know, what I’m hearing from you is that the simple act of asking ourselves something can happen, regardless of your age and stage and what else is going on in your world and that’s what I thought was really, really going to be helpful to

 

our listeners. And again, I know parenting, in overlay some of that caring for you know, other family members, that also can you know, be a draining experience. Can you tell us like, what is that one question? 

 

Tiffany Lanier  

So, the question is, what do I need today? Hmm. And, to me, it’s a simple yet potent question. Because this act of centering around what you need, not only pulls in like your own personal desires, or wants or other things, but you really do get to check in and say like, okay, maybe I am really exhausted. You know, waking up, it’s, it’s sad to say like, we go to sleep and then we wake up already exhausted, right. So that and there’s a lot to that, like, maybe we’re not getting restful sleep. Maybe we have children like I do currently, who wake you up in the middle of the night. All of these things are possible, but even just thinking about sleep, if you feel like what do I need? Maybe I need more rest today. Right? So where is it in my schedule that I could take a nap where I literally will be driving and I can feel a wave of exhaustion come over me. I will pull over and I will take a 10 minute nap. Like I will just close my eyes because just that ability to shut everything down actually allows you to reboot and it changes like it helps not only in the physical but it helps your brain reboot. I mean there’s a lot of studies on that but that’s just one aspect, right? Or sometimes I asked myself that question and I mentioned this in my talk, but I noticed that I am like really dehydrated, right so instead of reaching for coffee, which sometimes is definitely a part of our routine, like we just wake up and we go straight to the coffee pot and you turn that up and that’s the first thing that you drink in the morning. Yeah, but maybe what you actually need is water and dehydration leads to anxiety and irritability and all these other things that we’re not taking into consideration as to why we might feel the way that we feel. So just the question of asking what do I need today allows you to get centered quickly. Yeah, you’re doing that check in so you’re becoming more self aware. And you’re able to like intuitively listen to what your body is asking of you in that moment. So whether it’s sleep the water, you need more connection, you need to slow down you need to speed up whatever it is. It’s giving you those cues for you to act on right away versus even having a traditional what a lot of people would say like creating a traditional morning routine is or morning ritual. What that looks like

 

Tiffany Lanier  21:18

this question is one that allows for you to be more intuitive with the things in which you do so I say like a part of your morning routine and the actions that you take become a daily ritual for honoring your needs. So I love that. I love that and I know for me I really struggled for many years with you have to stick with the routine you have to do the routine and just this sort of like overwhelming pressure that I was putting myself on that if I deviated from the routine because everything I’ve read and heard about said you have to have a routine and then you just lose track of yourself and so I really just want to highlight what you said there which is honoring what we need and the intuitive side of things and and I just I love that we have a combination of both here right? The the assertive or the the goal focus combined with the intuitive flow

 

Carolyn Swora  22:16

and that for all of our listeners out there is the missing piece that I have experienced personally and I’ve witnessed and countless experiences with clients is finding that balance of both. It’s a dance is a dance teach routines and rituals like morning routine, obviously, like my company is called the morning shift. So we teach morning routines and rituals, and particularly how that how creating those routines and rituals will help you navigate through life disruptions and changes or work disruptions and changes.

 

Carolyn Swora  22:51

But leaving room for

 

Tiffany Lanier  22:55

flexibility and flow is really important when you’re navigating change. So things don’t look the same every day. Like your experience is not going to be the same every day to try to wake up at the same hour every day are always changing and like they literally are teaching you the lesson of having to ebb and flow. Yeah. And so trying to create a very strict routine, like you said, will eventually do the opposite of what you want it to do, which is if we’re tuning in to routine in order to give us some regularity, to help us be more tuned into ourselves and create a new habit or behavior around the things that we want to now experience. If we’re not tapping into what is happening in real time, we’ll find that we don’t even get to the place that we’re ultimately trying to go. And our computers are not going to be what we want them to be essentially they’ll start being rooted in perfectionism

 

Carolyn Swora  23:58

and other aspects of stuff that we’re usually trying to work on. And so we have to

 

Tiffany Lanier  24:04

create the space for discovery in the process of building, habitual and behavioral change. So what would you say is the difference between routine and ritual then Yeah, so a routine

 

Carolyn Swora  24:21

is exactly what it sounds like. Like it is something that you do

 

Tiffany Lanier  24:27

consistently. Right? So a routine is a consistent behavior that you’re building that you’re trying to build on in order to shape a new habit. So like having breakfast each morning, or like brushing my teeth before I go to work type thing is a part of your daily routine, right? It might have been an intentional part of your routine, but it’s something that you have to do. You don’t have to eat breakfast, but usually you do have to shower, brush your teeth, put your clothes on like these are things that are just like kind of innate routines, right. Usually when we talk about morning routines, we do talk about some level of intentionality of like weaving in something else. So whether we’re like okay, I want to get my fitness on and create more healthy fitness habits or healthier breakfast habits. What does that look like for me? So having this type of breakfast, coupling it with this type of workout, increasing my water, all those things can be added to a morning routine I’m going to read every single day because I want to start reading a book a month. I want to start reading a book a week, whatever that is. So you have these goals and then you’re trying to build this into a daily routine, ritual. I believe that ritual is adds meaning. So it’s more holistic, it’s more meaningful. It’s definitely intentional. But it gives meaning to be activity. So anything can be ritualized, in my opinion. So when we’re thinking about waking up in the morning, and we can make washing our face, right, so the act of the lathering and tuning into the lathering and like, quite literally feeling your face and filling your hands

 

Carolyn Swora  26:12

touch your face and the way in which you stroke your face. T is a slowing, excuse me. It’s a slowing down effect, right? And so it’s helping you be present. And so for me rituals allow you to be present in the moment. Yes. So it’s really was coming up for me. Yeah, that brings you in more connection right with

 

Tiffany Lanier  26:32

your mind and your body. Whereas the the

 

Carolyn Swora  26:36

routines are just sort of what you’re going through.

 

Tiffany Lanier  26:39

But I love what you’re saying no anything, anything can be rich or not to say anything can be anything can be a ritual as long as you’re being present with it being present and as long as you’re creating meaning. Because why do we need to have both? I think why both routines. Habits, behaviors, and ritual can alter habits and behaviors depending on what’s the behavior that you’re looking to have. Okay. I know that when I was moving through postpartum depression, when I was growing through that experience, what was lacking for me at that particular time, was connection. I didn’t feel very connected to myself. I didn’t know who I was in that moment in time, like who I was been and who I was looking to even become moving forward. I was very stuck in this place of who I was. And then my current reality not matching this place of why was so there’s a huge disconnect. Right? So then that disconnect, started to spiral into all areas of my life. I didn’t feel connected to my partner. I didn’t feel connected to my child. I didn’t feel connected as a friend. I didn’t feel connected as a business leader. I didn’t feel like to tip anything. So what I want it was connection routine. wouldn’t have gotten me to connection. Yes, I see what you’re saying. So I needed to ritual lies in order to create some meaning. Right? And so what I started to do was light a candle every day. And the act of lighting the candle was like to drive a spark like a literal spark. Right? And so the candle became a symbol for sparking something new for myself. And then taking like that nice deep breath and just like sitting with it, to allow myself to begin that process of connecting in real time to this moment. Maybe I don’t know what’s going to happen. Later today. Maybe I don’t know what’s happening tomorrow or next week or next month, or the trajectory of my life, my leadership, my work, but in this moment, in real time, the connection is between me and this flame in this candle, me and this breath. Just this idea, or embodiment of a different type of connection begins to spark how you connect in general. And so it was this daily act of allowing myself to kind of sit in this like candle breath ritual of songs that begin to tap into my own intuition, which begin allowing me to hear what it was that I needed, and the actions that I needed to take in order to rebuild all these minutes or all these many aspects of my life that fell out of whack. Right. And so, to me, ritual is that act of adding meaning and purpose to whatever the moment is routine allows for you to create consistency, discipline, all these things that we do need to reach new goals. Yeah, right. But depending on the goal, especially when so many of us are really lacking connection. Love just belonging. Yeah, like all of these things that routine itself won’t necessarily provide the ritual acts of even connecting to a friend every you know, not every day or every week, whatever it is, yeah. To rebuild these parts of us that were so lacking so when we’re hella focused on Him Hello. That’s how you know I’m from California. Yeah. When you when you’re really focused on routines and everything being productivity centric. Yes. miss out on these parts

 

Carolyn Swora  30:51

of yourself and your life. That’s so human. Absolutely. And that connects to other humans. And so creating the morning shift for me was to help people do the very thing

 

Tiffany Lanier  31:05

that I was able to do for myself. And and you asked that question, I just want everyone to be reminded of this. You did that ritual while having a young

 

Carolyn Swora  31:17

baby like How old was your baby by this point? Six months during this time, anywhere from like this six

 

Tiffany Lanier  31:23

months to like 18 month mark is when I started developing right, this new habit of creating morning space for me and the point being like a one hour long sit down and waking up at four o’clock in the morning. It definitely does not mean waking up at four in the morning I’m like very anti unless that is your natural inclination, your own like circadian ultradian rhythms. Yep, five to that. If that is you, and you wake up actually late, and I’m an early person, but I’m not at that early person. And we can talk about some science behind that too, if we want to, but, um, for me, and I talked and I was very specific about the TEDx talk that I recently gave on this particular subject because I’ve talked about how we usually think about morning routines when it comes to you know, the four or 5am wakeup time, the hyper productivity types of routines that we have if you don’t have a morning routine, then are you successful because all successful people talk about how they have one right yeah, but this also dilutes our are different types of lived experiences that we have. Not all of us, especially new mothers write for new parents, to be more specific and inclusive. New parents that have children in as well as depending on the type of if you have to go to work at 5am. Right? Yep. Some people who work very early morning shifts, right. Yeah. So we’re talking about very different lived human experiences here. So how do how do we create this time that everyone can have for themselves? Right. So before I get to that point, to go back to your question, like I had a very small child, yes. But my mother was very integral to this point in my life because she would help watch my daughter in the morning to give me more time to fulfill the needs that I have. So it wasn’t that I self cared my way through this challenging period. But community care and my mom being my community at that time, was integral to the success of what I was feeling. So that’s a conversation I would love to dive into. Yeah, that’s, yeah. But what do I need today being a question that you can ask yourself, like I said, I asked myself that question before I even get out of bed. So before I open my eyes fully and super conscious, I’m asking myself that question so that I can tune in to even if it’s the one thing Yeah, what is the one thing that I can do to honor myself this morning and that that is the glass of water that that is what I’m going to do for myself, right? And I’m going to like enjoy the refreshing glass of water. Be mindful in that moment, and take what I can get. Yeah, whatever.

 

Carolyn Swora  34:19

This thing leads me to the question and like the really basis of the work that I do now, is how do you combine this act of self care with community care? Whose responsibility is it? Yes, yes. And that brings

 

Tiffany Lanier  34:33

us to the workplace. The workplace, and yeah, and how can we how can how can we as leaders help contribute to morning rituals? Can we can we chat a little bit about that? Yes. So when I think about that particular time in my life, I was so I’ve been an entrepreneur for a decade, or a little over a decade. And so even then, I could ultimately create my own schedule to some degree, right? So it’s not that I was commuting that I had to go clock in anywhere. So that in itself gave me more flexibility and how I structured my morning yeah, having you know, my mother be able to help me with my daughter. Also, a privilege and a flexibility that not everyone has. So I want that to be very clear, because I know again, that that’s not everyone’s experience. So how do you create these types of routines and rituals systems that allow for you to honor yourself in this way, then the token gets passed along to where we spend our time in the mornings. And so we spend our time either in the workplace or we spend our times in schools. Yes. So and we’re usually rushing mad, right? We’re mad dash to get everybody out of the house ready to go first thing in the morning to get to school to get to work to get all these things done. So we’re we’re in a mad dash and we’re rushing around like crazy and it feels very chaotic. When you stepped into the classroom, you step into the workplace. How are you feeling?

 

Carolyn Swora  36:22

Right, like,

 

Tiffany Lanier  36:23

how are you really feeling and maybe you give yourself if you’re like my whole like, you give yourself like a moment to reset before you start doing all the things, but it’s likely that you chug a cup, a cup of coffee or two Yeah, and then you start diving straight into work. And then now it’s emails and meetings and phone calls and all the things and then you wonder why the why at the end of the day, you’re exhausted, you’re, you’re exhausted, you’re feeling depleted. And now you’re also like, well, I don’t have that much time to do the things that I like needed to do because if you have children now you’re back home. With the kids, and they require all of you. And so and then it’s just days, right and now we’re seeing days and weeks and months and years and then we wonder why we are mentally and emotionally exhausted. Ill to some degree, we’re burned out. Yep. And then we ask the question like Why? I mean, for very obvious reasons. So my my quest now is to talk and work with organizational leaders and helping them facilitate space. What does this look like not only from a training perspective, because I have trainings on navigating change, embracing change and then turning are creating morning routines and rituals to help do that. But teaching that is one thing, which is great and I am hired for all the time, but that’s also putting it on the individual person. Yes. Right. And so, which there is part self care, self and civility, how we monitor our own days and all of that jazz? Yeah, however, we are also spending a great amount of our time and other institutions and systems, right, that we are contributing to in some way, shape or form. So when I say whose was whose responsibility is it, we’d like to think that the sole responsibility of personal growth is the person Yeah, that’s gonna happen. Right? And I believe that personal growth isn’t just personal, it’s collected. Because as we grow as individuals, we ultimately have a ripple effect on other people and as we don’t grow as people, we have a ripple effect of some type of change whether the change is positive or not, is really the floating question. So if we’re looking to and it’s actually vice versa as well. The collective responsibility, right, our collective well being creating an environment of well being will breed well people Yes. And so when we’re doing that like micro of like, well, how are we starting our days? What is our work environment look like? When people get here human beings when they get into our workplace, knowing that we’re all living the chaos experience, like none of us are not feeling the many balls of every direction of life? Yeah. And so as leaders, we know what we’re experiencing, so we have to also know that everyone else is also experiencing those things. So what is the type of expectation

 

Carolyn Swora  39:34

and pressure that you’re putting on people literally as soon as they walk through the door? Because I’m in there supposed to be fresh? Ready? Yeah. Performance. But what did the morning look like before they ever even entered the workplace? Well, and I can tell you as a former leader in a big workplace, not former leader because I believe we can all be leaders our whole life. And and having a mom looking after for many of those years, looking after them on my own, and it was a mad mad dash in the morning to get out the door and get them dropped off and all of that. And it was the presence and I I was seriously lacking. I mean, as I was getting them ready. I was thinking about okay, what’s my day, like, who am I meetings with? Where do I really have to like be on so I was so out of, I guess out of presence, that it was just that like as you described earlier, you just kind of do do and cycle through and cycle through and then one day, it’s like, damn, this isn’t working for me like and that that might be a health scare might be a whole bunch of different things. It might be something in your family. And so similar like this is where our work has has an intersection. And I love the simplicity of and the the accessibility of how you’re talking about this. To really help people see the value of setting that intention in the morning because I’m sitting here thinking, Man, if I had done that before I started my day. I think it would have just found a little bit more space and and a little bit more space gives you just a little bit more space, which gives you a little bit more space and more grace, right likely and then you get in experiences. You wait and then you get into the office like okay, maybe I’m just going to take an extra five minutes to walk around before I start my day and pull myself together. Instead of whipping in throwing the person in the corner hanging up the jacket turning the computer on or like looking at your iPhone or maybe it was a Blackberry back then to just like trying to like get ahead of things and never feeling like you could get ahead so so beyond leaders taking that for own personal accountability,

 

Tiffany Lanier  41:48

what are some things from collective care from a collective approach that workplaces could consider trying out or ritualizing to help create and create this place of presence? Yeah, it’s really focused in on a culture of wellbeing and care. Right. So from top to finish, what I find and having conversations with different organizational leaders, you know, when we think about well being or wellness programs, like the teaching of things is fine, like workshops, great, awesome. training days. Great. I have one like, you know, like a whole day full of like getting into it, but until it becomes a practice Yeah. Did we really do anything? Right? And so where does the space go? And so I remember having a conversation with an organizational leader. We were talking about my programming and one of my like, morning shift sessions is like an hour could be an hour and a half depending on like amount of people time, all this stuff. She’s like, well, that’s great. That sounds really good. Like, can it be done in 15 minutes, so dear? And so I’m like, Hmm, could it be something could be done in 15 minutes? Yes. But will it have the type of impact that you want it to have? Like when we think about what is the ROI like, what is like return on impact, right, not just investment, but what is the return on impact? Like what are you ultimately seeking from your people? Like how are you really wanting them to not only show up in the day or the the experience the mindfulness less than that they learn, but at some point, we have to incorporate these things. Like at some point, it has to be a part of a culture shift. It has to be a part of an internal ship, and both have to almost work simultaneously together if we’re co creating an experience that we want to have moving forward that ultimately changes how people are well and how the company as well. So, when I think of and when I talk to in work with various organizations, we can talk about like what is happening at the at the start, like at the start of the day? What are the majority of people in here up to what are they doing? And do we want to have like a policy that is ultimately like, everyone takes five you know, like before you start, this is what you have a moment to breathe a moment to do what you need to do to reset. I’m not expecting the email at 903. Like, what is it that we are ultimately shaping people to do? Are we providing a physical space, right? Actual you know, space that’s dedicated to mental and emotional like designed for mental and emotional health. That’s something else that I’m also looking into doing for my company in the future is like, what do these kinds of spaces look like is help regulate our nervous systems just by sight just by sound just by all these different types of experiences and so there’s a varied amount of ways to incorporate little things to very large things depending on the size of the company and the budgets and all of that jazz. Like there’s so many things you can do. I do believe that it starts with knowledge on an individual level because everyone is different, right? Some people love to meditate and some people like literally loathe meditating to the point like it’s not effective. So implementing a meditation for all might not actually work, right. So like, how we choose modalities and the flexibility really does start with self awareness. It starts with every individual, being able to kind of take stock and who they are, what they’re currently experiencing, and what this navigation looks like for them and what are the types of things and activities that they could be doing that helps them regulate in that moment and create space for showing up for all the many tasks ahead. Right there is the company side of it. What is the wellbeing culture that we’re trying to implement? And how do we provide different types of experience that cater to different types of learning different types of mental and emotional issues or problems that people are having? Like, so being well rounded? Yeah, it takes you know, it takes work. It takes time. It takes a level of presence and consciousness, but it has to start somewhere. And so by focusing in on like, what can we do this morning what do I need today for individuals to ask themselves that question and organizational leaders to ask what do we need today? Right like what is it that we all need? Because I know what I need now, and if I need this, that and the other, then I can only imagine what others what others are needing right now and how can I be an advocate

 

Carolyn Swora  46:52

for this type of change? What does that look like? It’s a lot of questions right? And eventually you have to start working through like what these answers are. Yeah, the questions is The Spark. It’s the beginning of trying to assess what is possible and what is needed. And I appreciate what you’re saying there. Because I’m gonna guess, like me, or like the listeners, like me might be thinking, well, Tiffany, just give us a list of things that we need to do. But that’s not the answer. That’s not the answer. And it depends. Exactly and I think that there is there’s a lot of unlearning and relearning I’m not gonna say just relearning

 

Tiffany Lanier  47:29

that being mindful of that is a is a great first step. And that can help shape how you lead the organization. So I really appreciate how you did not give me an answer of Check, check, check. Check, check. I know, it’s, it’s, it is challenging when people always want they always want that for me, both as an individual and as a larger entity. But this is where like, there’s so many factors that come into play that needs to be analyzed and thought through and thought out, that if I gave you something, just, you know, work with you, it might not work for you, and it might not work for your company at large. And so that’s where, you know, the work comes in that consulting and the working with and the coaching and all of those

 

Carolyn Swora  48:19

pieces. come into play so that we can really narrow down what that is, but also just literally creating space to listen. Yes, listen to yourself

 

Tiffany Lanier  48:30

and listen to those around you and what they actually need in order to be well, yeah, I think that’s just a beautiful way to wrap it up. I was gonna ask you like, what’s one piece of advice you would give leaders but I think you just said it. The space and the presence. Yeah, I mean, to me, that’s the ultimate gift that we can give to ourselves and give to one another space and presence. Because anything is possible, when there is space to see in space to feel and when you’re present enough to

 

Carolyn Swora  49:04

take note of what actually is happening versus what happened in the past and what could happen in the future. Because everything is possible

 

Tiffany Lanier  49:13

right now. And when we’re present to that we can literally create any reality that we want. Yeah. Tiffany, Where could the listeners find you? If they want to work with you if they want to see your TED Talk? Where can they find you? So everything is alive with tiffany.com So even you can get to the morning shift from life with Tiffany.

 

Carolyn Swora  49:35

But you also have org o RG dot the morning shift.com If you’re looking for this type of programming for your company, and yeah, social media, same thing I live with Tiffany and at the morning shift code. Beautiful and we’ll make sure that we have all those links in the in the show notes. I’m going to ask three questions because I wrap up and show that it’s not one question, per se, but these three questions definitely relate to a lot of what we talked about. talked about today, which was co regulation, self regulation and self awareness, all elements of an evolve

 

Tiffany Lanier  50:12

leader.

 

Tiffany Lanier  50:13

So the first question has to do with self awareness and asking you to share a moment that you know you’re comfortable sharing that might have been really uncomfortable. But full of tremendous insight about yourself. I think it would be that postpartum time because there was a time that while experiencing it. There’s like a lot of shame, right? A lot of shame around even experiencing it because up into that moment. I have experienced depression a lot as a as a teenager and like young adult in my 20s. And then I started doing a lot of self work, personal growth work where I felt like I had beat depression. And so I had convinced myself that I could not be depressed like that was not an option for me anymore. So that’s a toxic positivity thing that like it’s another conversation for another day. But, you know, you can’t, you can’t think positive Think yourself out of everything. And there’s a lot of work to do. And so for me, going through postpartum, not knowing that that was even a thing that you experienced because that we don’t talk about it a lot. We’re not as open about that type of experience. There’s a lot of shame, personally, that I felt like I couldn’t show up at the time as the best version. of myself, you know, for everyone. And so it was in those moments of darkness, that when I started to ask myself that question of what do I need and how can I tend to myself to move through this this time, both physically in my body, mentally, emotionally, all the things? It was there it was in the stillness and in the quietness and the allowing and the surrendering and the acceptance? I mean, there was just so much there, right? That ultimately just changed the trajectory of How I Met, move through life. Wow, has completely shaped the way that I teach and the way that I coach and how I hold space for others. Because, you know, like I said, at that time, when I felt like I can’t be something I can’t be depressed, I can’t go I can’t experience negative feelings because then I’m not evolved, or that I haven’t reached some kind of peak enlightenment,

 

Carolyn Swora  52:40

which is crazy to think back then that that I thought that but

 

Tiffany Lanier  52:44

when I look back at all the books and podcasts and all the things that I was absorbing, it felt like if you really did evolve, then you evolved past the humerus. Oh, that’s Yeah, and that’s true. That’s not true. Yes, that’s not true. That is that is not how I teach hair. Yeah, how I teach self care or community care. And showing up for the humaneness in which we are. So it was in that to answer the long way around your question. It was in that that

 

Carolyn Swora  53:19

really sparked a level of self awareness that I am grateful for. Now that I look back on it. Yes. It was a period of time that really took a lot out of me, but my has paid to my life and shaped the work that I get to do today. Yeah, yeah. Wow. Thank you. Thank you for sharing that. Second question. Interestingly enough, has

 

Tiffany Lanier  53:41

to do with a ritual it’s I kind of feel like that again, you see how our work intersects? What is it practice or ritual that keeps you in a calm or regulated state? Or when that returns you helps bring you back to a regulated state. Breath. Yeah, like simple, deep, full body. Breath in lying on the ground. Like really, like take land out on the ground flat out on the ground, just like ground like literal groundedness I’m telling you what I think about how I ritualize anything, I give it like literal meaning like the literal spark of a candle like that sparks imagination and vision and all the things and being on the ground, just to ultimately feel grounded,

 

Carolyn Swora  54:28

like there is only up from here, like visually,

 

Tiffany Lanier  54:34

physically, all of the things and breathing breathing either upright or on the ground. Take it to the floor.

 

Carolyn Swora  54:44

I’m going to try line okay, I’ve never done that before. Unless I’ve been like fallen down playing sports or so. Yeah, so this is nice way to experience the floor without falling back. Definitely.

 

Tiffany Lanier  54:55

tensional placement of being on the ground. Right. I’ll let you know how that goes. We’ll do all right. And the last one, what is a song or genre of music that makes you feel connected to others or part of something bigger than yourself? Yes. So I feel like I have to but I’m gonna give you my one song. And I’m gonna use genre. Man in the Mirror by Michael Jackson. Like there’s so many Michael Jackson songs that are just community oriented but man in the mirror is that song that literally is that you the change that you want to see starts with you if you want to make the world a better place, look in yourself and make a change, right? Yeah. If if I didn’t know what my work was and listening to that line, I’m like that if you wonder what is it that I do? It’s that line like how do you make the world a better place by looking and starting with yourself and making a change? That’s it for me and then a genre of music that really makes me feel connected to humanity is Broadway music. Hmm. Because every Broadway musical as a deep story, in essence is a reflection of some type of human quality. Yes. And so whenever and I Gemma, I’m the one that like is blasting Broadway music in the car. with the windows down into like, Yes, this is what I’m seeing now. So wicked a couple of days ago and just being there for the fifth time for me and experiencing it from another time like it was years since I’ve seen it and rewatch or getting to watch it again and kind of experience the music from a new lens. It’s like wow, like it’s so much to human nature, politics,

 

Carolyn Swora  56:56

internal struggle, external. There’s just so much and so I find that is applicable to almost any musical like it’s just the story of our humanity.

 

Tiffany Lanier  57:09

And for that,

 

Carolyn Swora  57:10

I love it. Well if you ever come to Toronto, you know what we’re doing. We’re gonna go see a musical because we have a lots of great shows here in Toronto up to now Toronto is on the list. It is. I will come and we can watch anything. Sounds good. Good show. Sounds good. Me too. Well, Tiffany, it’s been such a pleasure having you on the show and a big shout out to Mike Ganino and Chloe DaVita for making that connection for us. And yeah, I really hope our listeners go check out your work. I think it’s fabulous Tiffany and I’m just really grateful to have met you. T

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