Name, Claim and Reframe with Andrea DeWitt

[00:00:00] Andrea: The name step is really gaining awareness by naming what your pain point is. What’s causing you to react instead of respond. The claim step is about choosing resonant actions that really match up with your core values. The reframe comes after you’ve really named and claimed. When you reframe, you’re able to step back from the situ.

[00:00:23] Separate your ego and really look at what is going to be best for me in the future? Who do I wanna be and what’s gonna serve my goals? 

[00:00:32] Carolyn: Andrea Mine dewitt is a certified professional coach who recently released her book. Name, claim, and reframe your path to a well lived life. In this book, she talks about her practical approach to navigating life’s challenges around a gentle warrior’s toolbox.

[00:00:55] This insight in her book is useful not only for life, but also for. To help leaders become more attuned and more self-aware, and develop more self-compassion. Andrea is such a great fit for our show here because she, like, I have a deep, deep belief that elevated self-awareness will help us make more informed and responsive interactions with each other.

[00:01:29] Have a listen. I hope you.

[00:01:43] In this episode, Andrea and I dig in deep into her framework, name, claim, and reframe. I’m a bit of a book geek, so, uh, there aren’t many books that don’t come along with highlights and dog-eared pages. And throughout our episode we’ll refer to certain quotes, certain pages that really stood out to me. In particular, we’re gonna talk about masculine and feminine energy and what that means, why it’s important, and how it’s essential to the name, claim, and reframe process.

[00:02:25] Let’s start and let’s pick things up with Andrea. 

[00:02:28] Voiceover: Welcome to evolve a new era of leadership, a podcast for real leaders to join real convers. With business experts, practitioners, thought leaders, and change makers who integrate head, heart, and body in all they do, who commit to compassion and curiosity, who commit to radical self leadership in their quest to understand others better too. Because the only way to deliver real results is to understand what it takes to lead real human beings. This is a new era of leadership.

[00:03:08] Carolyn: I am Carolyn Sora, and this is Evolve a new era of Leadership. Alright, Andrea, I am so excited to have you on and I’m so excited. I haven’t even told the listeners your full name. So all you listeners out there, I’m so excited to have Andrea Mine dewitt with us today, the author of name, claim, and reframe.

[00:03:31] Andrea, thank you for joining. All the way, I think from sunny California, right? 

[00:03:36] Andrea: From sunny California, and it actually is sunny today, although we’ve had rain, which we were quite happy about here in California. But yes, that’s where I’m from, Northern California. 

[00:03:45] Carolyn: Well, name, claim, and reframe is a brilliant book.

[00:03:49] In fact, I think I showed you before we hopped on, look at, you can hear it. I’ve, I’ve got all these highlights. I’ve got earmarks. I mean, I’m a voracious reader and this book. I couldn’t put it down. I went through it all. I had highlighter in hand and pen in hand. And so tell us, Andrea, what inspired you to write this book and why are you bringing this into the world for us?

[00:04:14] Andrea: Such a great question, Carolyn. I think that I, well, it was during Covid, and I’m gonna be honest, I had zero clients. I had zero coaching clients, and I thought I have a. Wisdom and I had always wanted to write a. And I started to think about what I had done in my life and how I had been an alchemy of me and that those steps I had used with my clients.

[00:04:44] And so I, right there, I had a structure, the structure of name, claim, and reframe that I thought, oh my goodness. Not everybody can hire a coach, but my goodness, I could write this and then everyone would have access to this structure. And really my why is to. Coaching accessible to everyone. Yeah. And that was really the, my reason for writing 

[00:05:04] it.

[00:05:04] Carolyn: You know, when I was reading through it, it was so easy to absorb. And I love how you put together your own story over a really like proven framework. Um, so I’m a self-proclaimed nerd as well. And you really referenced a lot of previous thought leaders. I don’t even wanna say thought leaders, but like researchers in this space, in this coaching space.

[00:05:29] I’ll tell you from the very beginning, I’ve really connected with that term that you used around Gentle Warrior. So maybe can you just share with the listeners what is a gentle warrior? 

[00:05:42] I’m gonna start by saying that I am a recovering warrior. Yeah, me too. Because, uh, yes, I mean, and I spent the first, you know, 50 some odd years of my life being a warrior, thinking that I had to armor up to.

[00:05:57] As capable and intelligent and strong, and through other very smart feminine thought leaders learned that there was another way through. Mm-hmm. and I found that I was very attractive to ingenious leaders that were using all of their homeless, not just their masculine warrior traits. They were using the stuff underneath the armor.

[00:06:21] Right. Their feminine ingenuity. And so a gentle warrior is someone. That. Is really balanced between their masculine leadership qualities and their feminine leadership qualities. And they take the time to understand where they are in any given moment. Yep. Because we can’t always be at our best. But if you are triggered, that’s the naming step to really not be at your best to give yourself a beat.

[00:06:48] Really think about who do I wanna be in that situation, right? And I observed, and I talk about Linda in the first chapter. She was the most amazing woman. She was a mentor. And I watched her, she was, she was powerful. But man, did she integrate resourcefulness and compassion and openness and um, and, you know, re just being, um, generous.

[00:07:17] With her vision and her assertiveness. It just was this incredible balance and I thought, I wanna be that. Wow. That’s the kind of leader I want to be. 

[00:07:26] Can we talk a little bit about masculine and feminine energy? Because that has definitely been something, and you know, this is probably why I love the book so much.

[00:07:34] Cause I felt like you were talking just to me. I’m like, yes, I have been a warrior as well. Now this notion of masculine and feminine energy, I railed against it initially. Cause I thought this is what, why do we have to have gender assigned energy? But could you just share a little bit, and I know on page 24 you, you have a, an amazing.

[00:07:53] That helps people connect to above the line or below the line. Can you just kind of put that into context and how you would describe masculine and feminine energy as something we all embody and why it’s important for us to understand both? 

[00:08:07] Andrea: That’s 

[00:08:07] such a great question, and I need to start by saying that when I talk about masculine and feminine leadership traits, they exist in every.

[00:08:18] Man, woman, whatever your gender identity, we all have them. And this idea that we can, and the thinking behind it is it’s an imitation to respond to adversity. Instead of reacting to it. Right, the balance your response chart. I’m a former teacher and college instructor, so I always am looking to make things accessible.

[00:08:43] This chart that I have in the book, you just have to see it because once you see it, it changes your life.

[00:08:49] Carolyn: I know I’m holding it up like I’m holding it to the microphone, but unfortunately people won’t be able to see it 

[00:08:53] Andrea: yet, but it is not something that I thought of myself. It came from conscious leadership, which is.

[00:09:00] Incredible group. I’m not quoting them correctly, I have quoted them in my book, but they say is that conscious leaders know where they are at any given moment. Yeah. So they may react initially, but they have the conscious, resourceful as to say, you know what? I’m reacting so I’m gonna take a beat to allow myself to respond.

[00:09:22] To this challenge or whatever. It’s Yeah. The thinking behind it is, and you really hit it on the head, Carolyn. We both are recovering lawyers because we’ve said, you know, we thought we had to be, and I think a lot of women in our generation thought we had to armor up. 

[00:09:39] Carolyn: Well, I think a lot of people, like if we take the gender out of it, right, like a lot of people think that that’s what success looks like.

[00:09:46] Andrea: Exactly. And what happens is that it keeps. From all of our emotional intelligence that is under our armor. The other thing that it keeps from is our truth. Hmm. I mean, at the top of my book, I say Your power and your potential is within your truth. Yeah. When you are not truthful on yourself, when you’re triggered, when you are getting territory or or controlling or defensive, you’re back on your heels.

[00:10:13] You’re reacting. Right? And. The balance of response chart is really inviting you to do is to go uhoh. I am reacting, I’m below the line. I’m using either a, below the line masculine leadership quality, which is wounded. Yeah. Or a below the line feminine quality that’s wounded and I am going to make, I’m gonna choose again to respond.

[00:10:38] How do I wanna respond? Maybe I wanna be a good listener, maybe I want to be visionary, or maybe I wanna be compass. Or maybe I wanna help this person problem solve, I wanna listen and help them problem solve. Yeah, I mean it’s, it’s really this incredible way of being more collaborative in our leadership and I think those are the leaders that I wanna follow.

[00:10:59] Carolyn: Absolutely. And what I loved about that is it’s not like above the line was feminine and below the line was masculine or vice versa. Both masculine and feminine personas within us are energies, which we’re gonna come to that cuz I. The way you talked about energy, but we can have too much or too little of both.

[00:11:18] And it really, it’s about integration and it’s about balance. And so I felt that was such a great way to set up the book and, and a way to invite leaders. And of course some of your clients aren’t necessarily like corporate folks, but folks listening to this podcast are. But it’s a beautiful invitation to bring that awareness of understanding these different.

[00:11:40] elements to us and understanding how to use them with intention. Exactly. It was just exactly a beautiful way to set up your framework. 

[00:11:46] Andrea: Thank you. Thank you, Carolyn. I, I’m gonna add this cuz I think then it will help your listeners to understand. I use the example of negotiating. Hmm. Because I think really effective negotiators bring in a lot of ingenious and resourceful feminine.

[00:12:04] Into their negotiations, which means that you know what you want so that you have vision of what you want. You know what you want, that you’re bringing in that feminine energy because you’re listening to what the other side wants. Right. You’re receiving them. And feminine energy receives, takes a beat.

[00:12:22] Yep. Masculine energy is more about doing Yeah. Which is all great. Yep. But permanent energy is more about being, yeah. Who do you wanna be? And when you combine those two, it’s potent. Yeah, 

[00:12:33] Carolyn: absolutely. Let’s get into your name, claim reframe framework here. Where do you wanna start with it? I really see 

[00:12:40] Andrea: this book, Carolyn, as personal leadership because you can’t be a good leader unless you’re honest with yourself.

[00:12:47] Yeah. Yep. And the naming step is about your truth. So when we talk about our feelings are the barometer. Our soul and what’s really going on. I spent most of my life ignoring my feelings. Yeah, me too. Me too. Not not paying attention to that. Stuffing it down. And unless you deal with what’s underneath there.

[00:13:09] You’re not gonna get where you need to go. Yeah. And what I’ve, I’ve found, both with myself and with my clients, is underneath those deep seated feelings that are, you know, our limiting beliefs, our inner critic, um, all of that stuff Right. Is the genius that is really gonna break us through to, to really find are real resourcefulness in gay Hendrix is, I think I quoted.

[00:13:34] In this book. I love his work, but he talks about, you know, our shadow, the genius within our shadow selves. Yeah. And there is so much, and if it takes courage to go into our truth, but my goodness, that’s where we find all of the magic. And that’s what the naming step is about. Naming the triggers, naming the limiting beliefs.

[00:13:54] Those are the things that are really holding you back from getting where you want to go. Right. And the naming 

[00:13:59] stuff. 

[00:14:00] Carolyn: And there’s no shortage of these triggers or hooks in the past few years. And so one of the questions that I’m curious about, you know, you talk about stuck energy in this chapter, right?

[00:14:13] And so when I think of the workplace, and I think of the challenges specifically that leaders are having to manage, I mean, it’s a little bit different than it was a few years ago. I mean, yes, there was a mental health crisis that was there. Sort of like pushed a little bit to the side, but now it’s front and center.

[00:14:31] And I have more and more leaders in our sessions, in our team coaching, in our individual coaching, recognizing this balance, this gentle dance, or I shouldn’t even say gentle. It probably feels like a bit of a mosh pit right now, to be honest, between how do we focus some deliver performance while also recognizing the humanity in people.

[00:14:53] And so my question for you is, What is the stuck energy from your perspective that has happened as a result of Covid and how is that getting in the way of people to do this work? 

[00:15:06] That’s such a great question. It’s actually, my husband and I were talking about this the other day and I think, and I’m really gonna go back to the naming stuff.

[00:15:14] Yeah. Carolyn, because I think that we need to know what triggers us, cuz that’s stuck energy. Yep. As you were talking, I was thinking about getting a performance. For instance, that’s feedback, which is later on, don’t we? We get into reframe, but when you get a performance review from someone you know, where you’re giving a performance review, I mean, it has like the potential to not be received correctly.

[00:15:37] You, you know, maybe you, you don’t feel good about the relationship you have with your coworker or the person that you’re working for or working with, and there’s just stuck energy, will you? Take ownership for your part in that energy exchange. Yeah, you just, you do. And I think that so many of us are quick and I certainly was there to point fingers and to blame and to be the victim, 

[00:16:02] which is below the line.

[00:16:04] Which is below the line. Below the line. 

[00:16:05] Andrea: And I think that there, this message is really, it’s not an angry message. It’s. First, take care of ourselves. What is being triggered inside me? Yes. And what do I need to do to take care of myself so I can navigate this Yeah. Reaction that I’m having and what do I wanna claim?

[00:16:27] You know, who do I really wanna be? Yeah. I mean right there, I mean, before we even get into other people’s energy, you gotta know where your energy is. Where am I? 

[00:16:36] Carolyn: And do you find with your clients that Covid really propelled this desire for awareness? 

[00:16:43] Andrea: Yes, I do. I’m sure you did. Yeah. Oh yeah. Absolutely.

[00:16:48] Absolutely. I think there was isolation that kind of forced people to get honest with themselves. Yeah. They were either going to go down, I used the metaphor either go down with the ship or they’re gonna take the helm. They were just, I gotta take my power back. And this message is really about taking your power.

[00:17:09] In a resourceful, intelligent, and graceful way, and we all can do that. Yeah. And if you do that, my goodness, you’re modeling it for yourself and for everybody in your, in your orbit. Yeah. And it ripples out. 

[00:17:24] Carolyn: Absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely. And so, You know, that is a fundamental piece to the process. Like anything, you have to walk before you can run.

[00:17:33] You have to learn some of those basic steps. So we’re able to name the experience, what’s going on for us. We’re able to understand where we are with the masculine feminine energy. Can you describe for us what claim is and why? That’s the next step? Yes. 

[00:17:50] Andrea: Would it be helpful for me just to explain the three 

[00:17:52] Carolyn: steps?

[00:17:53] Yeah. You know, I probably did give a bigger picture. Yeah, that’d be good. I think that it can 

[00:17:56] Andrea: get a little confusing, and as we say, it’s simple, not easy. Mm-hmm. So the name step is really gaining awareness by naming what your pain point is. What’s causing you to react instead of respond. Right. The claim step is about choosing resonant actions.

[00:18:15] That really match up with your core values? Mm. My experience is people don’t really know what their core values are. They think they do. Yeah. But when we know what we really value, we can really see what we want and keep sacred. What’s most important when we talk about energy boundaries, we go there. Yep.

[00:18:32] The reframe comes after you’ve really named and claimed. When you reframe, you’re able to step back from the situation, separate your ego, and really look at what is going to be best for me in the future. Who do I wanna be and what’s gonna serve my goals? Right? And that separating of the ego, oh my goodness, , the world would be so much better if we could all just, you know, step away and really shift our perspective and to look at it from a different perspective.

[00:19:01] When you name and claim, you give yourself space to shift your perspective and see it in another space, and that sometimes. Removing her ego. Sometimes it means looking at it from another’s perspective, which I think makes the world certainly kinder and gentle. Yeah, so that’s the name, claim and reframe system, just in a 

[00:19:22] Carolyn: nutshell.

[00:19:22] When I got the book, I’m like, yeah, name, claim, and reframe. I know how to do that. However, , the questions that you ask and the journey you take people on with it really illustrate. I felt the importance of not doing this alone and you know, be that with a friend, perhaps to hire somebody like yourself.

[00:19:45] There really is. Some truth here to understanding that we can’t do this stuff on our own. And it’s not something when you’re driving home, although I don’t know how many of us are commuting, but I guess as we evolve our workplaces, some of us are commuting, some of us are, are not. But it’s more than just letting things rumble around in our head and think, oh yeah, we’ve got this all figured out.

[00:20:09] So there’s a real process here that I just wanna highlight. Cause I think it’s important for people to realize that we can’t figure it all out in. Thank you, and it’s really 

[00:20:18] Andrea: giving all of us permission to ask for help. Yeah. Gosh. You know, I mean, again, you know, you and I were the warriors. We didn’t think we could ask for help.

[00:20:27] Yeah. Oh my goodness. You can. I wanna follow the leader that says, you know, I haven’t done this before. Let’s talk about it. Yeah. I’m not really sure. I mean, Brene Brown is the king, and you are a Brene Brown study. My goodness. With your work with Brene. But I mean, it’s really about, I mean, I wanna follow the leader that’s going to ask for help.

[00:20:48] Two heads for better than one. Yeah. And sometimes we get so locked up in our own limiting beliefs and the things that we can cook by that someone else. Come in and help us to look at it in a different way, or maybe we don’t even give ourselves credit to think about maybe the good things that we have done or the blind corners that we have.

[00:21:07] And it’s always lovely to have a thought partner, I think. Oh, absolutely. Um, the other piece, as you were talking, I was thinking this Carolyn. Gosh, sometimes you just gotta sleep on it. . 

[00:21:18] Carolyn: Yes. Well, now that’s feminine energy though, right? Yes, ma’am. Not having to jump in and give the answer, and that’s something I’ve learned a lot over the past year, especially that it’s okay to sleep on it, that it’s okay to not answer right away and to give some thought, see what other information emerges to help you make the best.

[00:21:41] Andrea: Absolutely. I had that happen the other day. I got an email and I went into warrior mode and I, you know, I mean, I want you all to know that I’m still practicing this. I, I am recovering and I thought, oh, you’re going into warrior mode. You’re already angry. Come on. And so I just let it, I just sat on it and I asked myself that question, who do you wanna be, Andrea?

[00:22:05] Who do you want to be? Yeah. And what are your goals? I mean, you wanna work with this person, you wanna make this the best it can be. Who do you wanna be? And I gave it a couple days and I came back with just eloquence and grace. And a lot of resourcefulness and when I actually had the conversation, how was it expansive?

[00:22:26] Hmm. As you suggested, I did talk to some people. Yeah. My ideas. Yeah. And so, you know, I think we all can learn from this and I just wanted you to know that , I do this every single day and I used that chart, that chart in chapter two. Yep. To remind myself when I’m. Then I, I sit on and think about it. 

[00:22:48] Carolyn: Well, one of the things that I often say is self-awareness is not a destination.

[00:22:52] It’s a journey. And yes, we do this work, you and I and many others out there, but it doesn’t mean that we’re perfect at it. And you know, that’s the human experience. There’s two other things that stood out to me in this chapter, which I wanted to comment on. So on page 62, you talked about somatic tools. To get out of our head.

[00:23:13] I believe the body as a leadership tool is misunderstood, undervalued, and. Big, big component that I wish I had leveraged. And so that includes understanding our own nervous systems, understanding how to bring ourself back into more of a place of calm. And you commented here on that page about somatic tools help get the client out of their head and into their heart by calling it a playful humor.

[00:23:43] What inspired you to put somatic tools into your f. Why are they so important for people to do this? From 

[00:23:52] Andrea: your perspective? Well, I’m gonna give a shout out to the co-active Training Institute. Mm-hmm. , where I did my, where I did my coach training and certification. I had never thought about that having really relied on my head most of my life.

[00:24:05] They have the most incredible program for really teaching semantic tools and I became hooked on it. And I use it in my coaching sessions all the time. Yeah. Um, Someone can’t do it, cannot play with me and get in, you know, feel like where are you feeling tense in your. Get people up and walking around . Mm.

[00:24:26] Carolyn: So what’s an example? Like what’s a tool or something you ask them to do? Oh 

[00:24:29] Andrea: gosh. Okay. I mean, I do a lot of perspective work and we’ll say, okay, so let’s dream with me for a minute. Choose something, you know? Yep. Find it a perspective and you know, it could be anything. You know, you choose a water bottle, what does this water bottle slimmer for you?

[00:24:45] So right there, they’re, they’re having to go think, oh, well, I don’t know, it’s a water bottle. I don’t know. Mm-hmm. . So you’re getting them to dream and to. And you, as you ask them and they add more adjectives, you go, okay, so how did your body feel now? Well, I feel a lot looser and my gosh, I, I noticed I don’t, my shoulders aren’t tight anymore.

[00:25:03] And so you’ve kind of, you’ve gotten them out of where the, the stuck energy, we talked about energy, that stuck energy in their head and you’ve really got them into their whole body. When we are nervous in year. We don’t breathe deeply. Yeah. Our shoulders are tight. You know, I mean, just getting up and moving around and shaking it off helps us to really think about ourselves as a whole being our wholeness.

[00:25:29] Absolutely. Yep. Absolutely. I need to add this, cause I think it’s so funny. When I was writing the book, I had a developmental editor and. What does that mean? What does that even 

[00:25:39] Carolyn: mean? I, the same thing happened. Somebody said that in mind. They’re like, what does this word mean? Actually, what does it even mean?

[00:25:45] I’m like, what do you mean? What does it mean? And then I thought, oh yeah, wait. Two years ago I would’ve just been like, oh yeah, I know what that means. But had no 

[00:25:52] Andrea: idea. It was really good. I think for me, I wanna add this. We coaches tend to use jargon. . Yeah. And Semantic tools is a coaching term. If you’re in the coaching world, you know what that means, but if you’re not, and this book is to make the accessible to all, I hope this helps people to understand, you know, giving yourself the gift of moving your body, going out for a forest walk, getting out of your head.

[00:26:16] I mean, that semantic tools means to actually get outta your head. Get out of the house, go for a walk, cool down, take a shower. I mean, all of those things help you get outta your head. Into your, into your body. 

[00:26:30] Carolyn: Yeah. Which is what somatic means getting into Into body. Into the body. Yeah. Now you also talked about energy and energy boundaries.

[00:26:39] Um, when I think of, you know, well, we could just think back to previous lives and we were in a corporate environment day to day. Protecting energy boundaries can seem a little bit hopeless. Might I say? Can you just comment a little bit on energy boundaries and why they’re a part of your framework and, and maybe what somebody could do to help them their own boundaries?

[00:27:05] Andrea: Well, I start in the book Carolyn, talking about core values because you cannot protect your. Boundaries unless you know what your core values are. Mm-hmm. 

[00:27:17] Carolyn: So that’s a big aha by the way. I was like, again, kind of like, yeah, it makes sense. But when you wrote it out, I thought, oh right. Wow. 

[00:27:25] Andrea: Most people dunno what their core values are.

[00:27:27] And I’m gonna give a caveat here, is that dissonant experiences when someone trumps on a core value, That’s when you learn more about what your core values are and what the borders of your energetic boundaries are. Yeah, and I made that little chart. Yep. , I’m such a teacher at heart . But the core values are the big circle, and then inside that big core values circle are the energetic boundaries.

[00:27:57] And then inside that little circle are your energy. And then insider you. So when people trump on your core values, that infiltrates energetic boundaries, and that’s what infiltrates your reserves. That’s why you’re exhausted. You’ve let someone really take all the good stuff, all of your reserves from you.

[00:28:20] That’s why you’re exhausted. The work, I mean, really is about noticing and really changing the way you engage and learning how to say a kind, but. No thank you. Right. Or I need time to think about that. Give me overnight to respond to that. And again, we’re responding. You are in your power. You’re not reacting.

[00:28:42] Yeah. You’re not outta your power. You’re responding. The hell 

[00:28:45] Carolyn: no. Or the holy Yes. Holy yes. Yeah. Um, and really knowing what those boundaries are, because I think it’s fair to say, I mean, there’s been a big clash of values that’s really come to light. I mean, they were always there, but I don’t think they were clearly defined for all of us.

[00:29:02] And so we are working with people that might have different values, and I think it’s important. Well, here’s my belief. Tell me if you agree or disagree. I can work with somebody that has perhaps some different values. However, if there are some real like deal breaker values, like let’s say honesty or transparency, I’m not gonna work with you.

[00:29:26] However, if somebody has a value, I don’t know, let’s say maybe they’ve got a real strong religious practice, for example, and that’s not gonna get in the way of us working together. So I know something that I’ve really been thinking about and grappling with is what are the deal breaker values that are must have?

[00:29:46] in my working relationship with people, and if they’re not there, then it is a hell no. But how can we work? How can we stop some of the divisiveness that we’re experiencing? Let’s just keep it into the workplace for now. How can we use some of this energy concept to help us understand where are values align or where we have common?

[00:30:09] To move 

[00:30:09] Andrea: forward on. I think you said that so beautifully. I was thinking I’m I’ll sit right next to you with that. Mm-hmm. , I think you have to be in integrity always. Yeah. And I always ask myself, if I do that one thing, will I still be in integrity with myself? Yep. Or how can I do that and still be in integrity with myself?

[00:30:31] Right. Because it starts with you. If there’s an issue with, I agree with you. If someone is not being trans, With me, I would have to say, you know, I would have to have a conversation. Could we have a word? Yeah. Because that’s where the feminine comes in. I’m feeling, this is how it’s landing on me. Yeah. In this situation, and this is making me feel like I’m not seeing the whole picture.

[00:30:55] Can you help me understand? Yeah. What’s going on? Because right there, I’m being honest and I’m still in my integrity. I’m really trying to help meet me in the middle here. Absolutely. And I think when sometimes when we, when we are honest with people, it disarms them. It does 

[00:31:13] Carolyn: not everybody. Well and curious, like what you said in that statement too, was a welcoming tone of like, help me understand, here’s my perception.

[00:31:23] And I just think the more we can do that, the more we can understand where we have shared values. But it’s okay if we don’t fully embody. all values together. 

[00:31:35] Andrea: Exactly. And the other piece about values is they are always in flow. Mm-hmm. , you have very different values now, Marilyn. Yep. Than you had before.

[00:31:46] You had your two beautiful children. Yeah. I mean, goodness gracious. Yeah. They change. I use the example of my son because I have watched his values change. You know, where I would say one thing, it would trigger him and. He’s 31 and we’re having these incredible conversations because he’s older. I mean, I, my values have changed or something happens to you and it changes the way you see things.

[00:32:10] I mean, I think you use the example of someone that has maybe. Different political or religious beliefs. Its you. Well, my goodness, it’s so wonderful to meet people like that because it gives you a perspective that maybe you didn’t have people. Exactly. And to me it really deepens my ability to problem solve.

[00:32:29] Cause I’m thinking, oh, I didn’t think about that. That’s a perspective that I might need to have to be really resourceful and ingenious and smart about this decision I’m making. Come on over and help me think about this. 

[00:32:40] Carolyn: Well, and I think this all circles back to energy cuz I think. We’ve kind of gotten a little bit off name claim and reframe, but I’d love to, we have, yeah, 

[00:32:47] Andrea: let’s remember that energy is in the claim stack.

[00:32:50] True. It 

[00:32:51] Carolyn: is. I think covid really, really, I mean obviously it has changed how we live and how we work. I think it’s really challenged people to think about what their values are, and like you said, values change. I think there’s been a lot of destabilizing energy as we try and now figure out what are our.

[00:33:13] And that is going to, when we’re not clear, like you said, and in your image, when we’re not clear on that, when we don’t have crystal clarity, it can tap out our energy and it taps into our reserves. And so perhaps to close out this discussion, cuz we know you and I could talk together for hours, how could people use this last step in name, claim, and reframe to help them find a way forward through some, you know, really difficult times, right?

[00:33:42] Andrea: And I assume you’re talking about the reframe, 

[00:33:44] Carolyn: sorry. Yeah. Yeah. The reframe step. Did I say frame? I might have said the wrong word, but Yeah. The reframe step. Yeah. 

[00:33:49] Andrea: When you really are making efforts to claim an action or something that is gonna help you feel better about a situation that you don’t feel better about, the reframe is really about.

[00:34:02] Shifting that mindset, and that means that you’re really outside of yourself. You are thinking not just of yourself in that moment, in that second, but you’re thinking about, well, how is this going to affect not only my career, but my relationship with my colleagues? And right there you’ve separated your ego and you’ve really shifted your perspective.

[00:34:20] And I think that in the reframe, there’s always a gift in everything. And that’s what I really try to bring in with Reframe, is that even plot twist. And wrong turns have gifts in them. And it’s about finding that gift. Yeah. Because if you go back and things that have happened in your life, anything, you know, a dispute with a, a coworker, a job loss, whatever it is.

[00:34:46] A mistake that you made. There’s learning in there . So yeah, the reframe is to say, okay, I’m gonna claim my learning. I’m gonna, I’m gonna ship my perspective. I’m gonna find the gift in there. I’m gonna look at the big picture about who I wanna be and how that’s gonna serve me so that I really can release what doesn’t serve me and move on with visionary optimism.

[00:35:07] And that’s really what it is. Yeah. But again, you cannot reframe until you’ve named and 

[00:35:12] Carolyn: claimed. And I love how it all comes full circle cuz you started off your book with a quote, life’s bruising is inevitable, but enlightenment from the bruising is optional. And I think that’s the invitation that we are extending.

[00:35:28] And I say through your work, I’ve got a book coming out in a few months and, and it’s a similar invitation and I think the more that we can accept that bruising, And try and learn from it wherever we can. It’s really gonna help us figure out how to navigate through all this silliness. Absolutely chaos.

[00:35:48] Andrea: Absolutely. Yeah, I’m excited about your book too. Absolutely excited. 

[00:35:52] Carolyn: Thank you, Nate. We’ll talk about that at another time. This is all about name, claim, and reframe today. So Andrea, before we close off, and I’m gonna ask a few questions just to close off like I do on every podcast. I just wanted to give you the chance to share with the listeners where they could find your book, where they could find you if they were interested in learning more about your service.

[00:36:13] Andrea: My book is available wherever books are sold. Lucky me. Yes, 

[00:36:18] Carolyn: wherever. And even in Canada. Even in Canada. Indigo or Chapter or Yeah, 

[00:36:22] Andrea: chapters. It’s everywhere. Name, claim and reframe is everywhere. Just do a search and you will find it. And we’ve got a plug on the 

[00:36:30] Carolyn: Today I was gonna tv. It’s on the Today Show, isn’t it?

[00:36:34] Andrea: American TV On the Today Show on January 6th. So that has just been like Rocket Fuel. We’re very excited about that. Grateful for that. 

[00:36:42] Carolyn: And where can they find you? Are you on social? Do you have a website? Where can they find you? My website 

[00:36:46] Andrea: is andrea dewitt advisors.com, and I’m on Instagram at Andrea dewitt coaching.

[00:36:53] I do lots of fun things on there. Okay, cool. I, 

[00:36:55] Carolyn: I playful. We’ll make sure that, uh, those are in the show notes for folks to get in touch and follow and name, claim, and reframe and learn more about that. So to close off. I’m gonna ask you three questions. Are you all set for those three questions? I’m set.

[00:37:11] I’m set. All right. These three questions are connected to the principles of being an evolved leader. So the first question, can you share a moment that was really uncomfortable for you at some point in your life? Whatever you’re comfortable sharing that was uncomfortable, yet full of insight. 

[00:37:31] Andrea: Yes. I had something happen actually today that caused me to really dive into who I wanted to be, and someone asked me to do something as a favor for them, and it didn’t align with who I really wanna be.

[00:37:47] Hmm. And I have great respect for this person, and I thought, you know, Asking me to do a favor for her, but it doesn’t work for me. It just doesn’t. I can’t do it and be in my integrity. Again, we go back to the same thing that we’re talking about, and so I thought about it. I went, I went to my Peloton and I , I did 45 minutes on the Peloton and I thought, okay, who do I wanna be?

[00:38:12] And I sat down and I was honest with her and saying not so much that I didn’t align with my values, but it was just, I gave her lots of love. And told, wished her lots of luck and told her the ways that I could support her. Mm-hmm. And so I gave her something, but I was still in my integrity. Mm-hmm. And I still was, I would say, a generous, conscious, resourceful leader, but I’m still in my integrity.

[00:38:37] And I felt good about that. And it felt good. I didn’t give anything away. I didn’t take any of my energetic boundaries or my inner reserves. 

[00:38:44] Carolyn: There you go. That’s great. Thank you. Thank you. Second question. What is a practice or ritual that keeps you in a calm, regulated state or returns you to one if you fall?

[00:38:59] A little bit outside of that? 

[00:39:00] Andrea: During Covid, my husband Bill and I, um, started getting up at 5:00 AM. And walking in the dark with our Labrador around the neighborhood. We would go by, um, Pete’s coffee’s really big in the Bay Area, so we go by and get our strong Pete’s coffee and we walk in the cold, in the heat, whatever.

[00:39:21] And it’s a time for us to connect as partners and we talk about whatever needs to be talked about or with our dog, and we’re back by six 30 and mm-hmm. , I feel like I’ve connected with my best friend and if there’s anything I need to talk. He needs to talk about with Connected and it grounds me in . Oh, it’s 

[00:39:40] Carolyn: beautiful.

[00:39:41] Gratitude. Thanks. Thanks, Andrea. And then last but not least, what is a song or genre of music that makes you feel connected to others or part of something bigger than yourself? 

[00:39:56] Andrea: You’re gonna laugh when I tell you this one. I have a millennial daughter who loves Taylor Swift. Hey, 

[00:40:01] Carolyn: I’m not laughing. I’ve been to see Taylor Swift in the first 10 rows of a concert.

[00:40:04] So , 

[00:40:06] Andrea: my daughter Kate, played me shake it off, and I was hooked. I love that song A, because it makes me happy. Yeah. Makes me, you know, she’s all about really standing in your authenticity. I love that song because it’s about really shaking off, you know, when people, again, Infiltrate your energetic boundaries.

[00:40:25] Say things that aren’t nice, you know, it’s all about this is who I am and I’m gonna claim who I am, my ity and my inner magnificence. Like it or not, I’m just gonna shake off what doesn’t stand for me, and I’m gonna. Take what? Test. 

[00:40:39] Carolyn: Love it. That’s why I love that song. Love it. I’m visualizing you dancing and shaking it off.

[00:40:43] So as we, uh, you know what, if we could cue up Taylor without being a copyright infringement, we do that right now, but we won’t. So we’re gonna have to ask you to channel your inner Taylor Swift there. And if you don’t like Taylor Swift, then channel another shake it off type song. You know who else?

[00:40:58] Florence. And the machine has a great. As well. I’ll have to, uh, I’m trying to remember the name of it, but I know that that’s a another great similar sort of notion about shaking it off so well. Andrea, the time has flown by so quickly. Thank you. I’m so glad our world’s collided. This was a positive energy collision, I’m gonna call it.

[00:41:18] And thank you for coming on the show. And again, to all the listeners out there, I highly recommend you go out and buy, name, claim, and reframe. Your path to a well lived life, and thank you again. For coming on the show, Andrea. It was 

[00:41:36] Andrea: absolute magic, magic, magic, magic. Thank you so much, Carolyn. 

[00:41:41] Carolyn: Whew. Andrea has a contagious energy and it was so much fun speaking with her today.

[00:41:47] The name, claim and Reframe model that she created. Really, it sounds so easy, but I can’t stress enough. It is hard. It’s difficult, and if you do get a chance to pick up her book, one of the many things that I appreciated about it is how it makes it accessible, even for those of us who are at the beginning of a self-awareness journey, just makes it achievable and not too overwhelming.

[00:42:15] I hope you, uh, had as much fun listening to Andrea. I did chatting with her and we have included her contact information in our show notes. So I encourage you to reach out to her if something landed with you. And as always, if you would like to learn more about me, Carolyn Sora, and more about my upcoming book Evolve, please go to my website@carolynsora.com.